“Go Easy On Yourself,” said me to myself
Updated: Nov 21, 2018
Practice…….doesn’t make perfect!
When it comes to parenting, peaceful parenting, I need to remind myself sometimes that it’s a practice and that some days I feel I get it right, and other days I struggle.
The last couple days I have struggled to be peaceful. I have felt triggered, angry and sad moments I have even seen moments where I resemble my old way of parenting.
What triggered these feelings is that in a single moment my image of this summer and what I thought these months would be like, has completely changed. With my son’s sudden injury, surgery, and immobility I’ve found that I needed some time to readjust my expectations of what we will be doing over the summer months.
My injured son Parker, needs me to be with him at all times because he is completely dependent on us. I need to be there at a moment’s notice for a bathroom break, snack, some more water, or an urgent need to go outside for a walk.
Remember those early days where you first had your baby(s)? Well, I feel a bit like. During his recovery, I’ve had to check on him in the middle of the night and pretty much do everything for him and pushing him in a wheelchair brings back so many memories of the long gone baby days.
Today I was feeling agitated for so many different reasons.
My husband is back in the office now so I don’t have any extra support. I'm finding that there are things that I need to get done but I'm constantly interrupted. I feel frustrated, I feel angry and I feel like (I hate to say it but) I resent him……. Well not really him, but his injury. So today, instead of spiraling down into hating the situation more, because after all I can’t change it, I started to embrace it and notice things I can be grateful for.
What I’m grateful for:
I am grateful that I have this time with him to grow stronger in our relationship and be together. I’m grateful that although this is a bad injury, it could be worse and there are families who are dealing with much worse. I’m grateful for his smile when I bring him a snack or a yummy meal. I notice and am grateful for how often he tells me he loves me throughout the day. I’m grateful for how thankful he is for my help.
Buuuuuut, I’m still feeling a bit on edge….
Boy does it ever help to concentrate on what you are grateful for (thank you for the lesson Oprah!). What also works is concentrating on my own self-care. Knowing that self-care is crucially important to any parent, I have been trying to take time to look after myself, but over the last couple of weeks I simply haven't had the time.
Usually I try to find time around 7 O’clock at night, once dinner is over and things are put away, but I have been so exhausted that when 7 O’clock rolls around, I just want to roll up in a ball and hide away. Well tonight was different, tonight I decided I needed to get out! I could see that the way I was feeling was a sign that it was vital for me to go out so I did, I went to one of my favorite parks.
When I started my walk I found that my pace was quick assertive and aggressive but as I walked and took in the scenery and I started to relax and started to slow down I felt myself calming down .I sat for a while and took in the scenery, watched the birds and listen to the animals and the life all around me.
I say so often to my clients to “go easy on yourself” and today I am finding that I need to say those words to myself. I need to give myself a break and be my own best friend. We all struggle it can all be overwhelming and when things happen that you don't expect, sometimes it takes a little extra time to course correct to get you back on track. Go easy on yourself, life can be hard, and being hard on yourself doesn’t help things get any better!
I've made up my mind that these next few days are going to be different I will approach the days differently and have a new outlook on what lies ahead. I'm not saying I won't struggle, but when I do, I know that the struggle is an invitation for me to find out what’s going on with me and take time to do some self-care and to go easy on myself…